You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Mom said you looked used
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Randomize
