He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
