not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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