It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
