Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
