The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
