I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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