we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
