Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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