not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
