I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
