I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
