u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
