Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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