There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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