Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
