You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
birth control should be required to get into college
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Randomize
