if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ketchup is God's man juice
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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