Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
