take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
