i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
