see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
