I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He shit in the fireplace
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
