if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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