worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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