I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
