we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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