I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
