The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
