im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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