I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
