So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
