Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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