I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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