I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
