I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
