maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
