those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
high people should be assigned attendants
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
