I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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