he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
