Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
