I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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