I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
