So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
