arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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