im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
