break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
