I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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