Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
