All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
