Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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