We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
