Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
