dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
me + whiskey = a bad person
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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