Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
