I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
