i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
