My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize