This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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