he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize