I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
