I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
People in love make me want to vomit
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
