I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
