Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
