Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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