The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
